Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Hmmmm. Kinda living my life in routine now... Wake up, do my stuff, get ready for school, travel, lessons, do homework in school wif pals, go home, play comp, sleep... Pure routine. And its getting boring... How do i get outta this cycle? Sigh...feel lik my energy's getting sapped up abit more everyday, just wanna lie down and just STAY DOWN!!!!
Been thinking lately, random questions. But this question kept popping up to myself..."Have i been honest with myself?"... turns out, i guess my overall answer's a no. Have i been honest with my feelings? NO... Have i been honest in reading my symptoms? NO... Have i been honest to my own emotions? Sadly, also a NO...I'm getting more confused by the day...
Today, i think i freaked a kid out. I just looked at him. LOOKED!!! I didn't do anything. And then he cried... Am i that scary? Do i really look that fierce? Maybe...i dunno. But i didn't choose to be this way. I did not. But the world doesn't really seem to understand me.
I have said this before. I'm not a perfect person, but i'm still a person. I have feelings, i have emotions. So can u pls be more considerate to how i feel? If i don't tell u something, that's because i have my reasons. Don't probe me. I'll tell you when i think its time for you to know, when i myself cannnot rectify the situation. Then i shall let you know. If not, i don't wish to let anyone worry. It may seem like i'm a selfish person to you. But please try to understand.
The day before, while on my way to school, i saw the sun. It was red. Blood red. Yet it seemed beautiful. Like a masterpiece. It actually calmed me. That was the first sun rise i had seen after many months.
Then yesterday, i saw the most beautiful sunset i have seen yet. The dying light kind of captivated me. And somehow i didn't want that moment to end. I was asked, "Do you like the sunrise or sunset more?" I would say both. I love both. The sunrise is like the birth of a new life, shining not so brightly yet, but filled with potential. The noon sun would be the peak of a person's life. The pinnacle, where their potential and talents shine the brightess.
And then comes the sunset. Whose light fades. Its like a dying man. Knowing that death is inevitable, but continuing to fight, but losing out in the end. That's the cycle of the sun. The cycle of a human life.
I would love the sky more than anything else. Its beautiful. And it could mean so many things. And can also signify life. The sun would signify your spark of life, the clouds would be all the obstructions in life, and once they past, you'll shine brighter than before. And sometimes, rainbows would appear, those would be your acheivements in life, your happiness. And in the endless blue sky, where everyone seems indifferent, you'll be the only different one. The one to step out, the one to shine, the one that brings life to everyone. That's how beautiful the sky is. However, these words can only express a fraction of my fascination and awe.
This post is something that i've wanted to post for a long time, but i couldn't find the words for it. Now i can rest better. I'm not the person that i say i am. I'm not the personality that i seem to express with my actions. No...i'm much deeper than that. Much deeper than anyone can imagine... ... ...i can only hope that one day, someone will understand me a little better, that someone will be able to fly in the same sky that i'm flying in now... ... ...
空は飛べないけど 翼ならあげよう
それは「もうひとりじゃない」と
君の孤独剥がす言葉
どんな悲観論者(ペシミスト)も 恋をして変わる
選んだ道がもし行き止まりならそこで
迷えばいい
~Covered by a Veil, That's who I am~ ...Enrouge...
The Beat Comes On At 9:26 AM :)
