Friday, November 28, 2008
Hmmmmmms. I know i already made a post today. But seem to be feeling kinda of down now. So i decided to post another one abt my real feelings ba. But it'll be kinda random.
Throughout my 16 years of life, i guess i nv really lived up to myself. I was always living in a shell that just wasn't me. Living in a shell that i created and enforced as my retreat for so long that it has become like a habit for me to show others what wasn't me. And now when i want to try to show others the real me, they look at me with strange eyes which seem to question "why're are u trying to be something that u aren't? Just be yourself will you?"
Oh and, sometimes it gets worse. There is nothing i hate more than people who always act like they understand me. Only a few do. Dun judge a book by its cover k? I'm no angel. I ain't no good guy. What u have seen of me is just the tip of the iceberg. I've had a darker past than you've ever expected. So i'm tryin to do a few good deeds now to pay it back. I think it won't help anyway. I'm a living damned. I'm tired physically, i'm tired emotionally. So give me some space some time. I'm no perfect man. I'm no perfect being. Stop treating me like some super being. Super depressed now.
Any of u guys ever wondered if God even existed. I do. Sometimes i wonder why he chose path for me. Why he made me this way. Why i had to be this character. Why couldn't i be someone else. Why can't others finally see me for what i really really am? I guess its cause i made too much mistakes that the me in others eyes have changed...changed throughly...but giv me a chance to prove. And i won't let u down. But why doesn't anyone give me that chance.
Christ...sometimes i dun even know why i turn out this way. Because of family? Because of frens? Or because of myself. I dunno. Won't someone giv me a sign? Hate this life. Feel li ending it rite now. So conclusion:
1. Dun try to act like understand me if u actually dun. Cause you'll only get me mad
2. Dun always assume that i'm pure evil and nothing else. I'm still a living being like u and me after all. I also have another side to me
3. Forgive me if ever hurt u in some way or ever caused u trouble
4. Try to see my real intentions before u come to comclusions..............
Sorry for this sudden post. I'm guessing it'll appear several times a month. Sorry. Its just one of my many swings. So be patient with me. Sorry... ... ... ... ...
I'm still tryin to break feel from the bonds holding me in...
The Beat Comes On At 7:01 AM :)
